How to Love Your Body When You’ve Spent Years at War With It

A raw journey from self-criticism to acceptance and why learning to live in your body is an inside experience.

The Question That Started It All

How do you love your body as part of your self? I scroll past endless posts of women of all colors, shapes, sizes, and textures showing confidence, and I think… how? When my sister, the editor of this magazine, asked me to share my body journey, I hesitated. I never felt my story was extraordinary. I never felt safe talking about my insecurities, especially when you are naturally thin. Try telling people you don’t like your body when you can “eat anything” and see how they respond.

The Years of War With My Body

For 15 years, I counted calories. I restricted food, over-exercised, abused laxatives, and starved myself for a goal I called perfection. For me, perfection meant skinny. I lived with dysmorphia, shame, and constant guilt. Guilt for eating badly, guilt for skipping workouts, guilt for the way I treated my body. And hearing “but you’re so skinny” never fixed any of it.

The Turning Point

Three years ago, I started exercising. Honestly, it began from insecurity. Aesthetics first. Health second, maybe third. My now-husband said it mattered to build a fit and healthy family. I was in my late twenties. My metabolism was slowing. So I thought: Okay, I’ll start. And then I kept going. For the first time, I felt strong. Exercise stopped being only about how I looked and became a way to feel power in my own skin.

The Parallel Journey of Body and Mind

At the same time, I began self-development workshops. I confronted old wounds, dismantled old patterns, and started creating something new in both body and mind. I realized that working on my body was another way to heal. Strength training was not just building muscle. It was building the vessel that carries me.

From Loaft to Lifter

Last year, I named my journey From Loaft to Lifter because that is exactly what happened. From lazy and self-destructive to lifting weights and lifting my own spirit. From taking my body for granted to taking my life into my own hands.

The Work Isn’t Over

I am not fully healed. Some days I appreciate my body. Other days I criticize it. On a recent trip to Africa, I counted the days since my last workout. I came home feeling bloated, five pounds heavier, already thinking about dieting. But here is the difference now. I notice the thought, and I eat the pizza anyway.

What I Choose Now

Listening to my body instead of punishing it. Honoring its strength and abilities. Extending to myself the compassion I give others. Remembering that my worth has nothing to do with my appearance.

Your Turn

I am not here with all the answers. I am here as a partner in this journey, asking: How do you love your body as part of your self? Let’s continue the conversation. Connect with me on Instagram @fromloafttolifter.