How to Be Your Own Best Friend

Woman walking alone on a stone path by the ocean, her silhouette softened by motion blur as seagulls circle above in a quiet, reflective scene captured in black and white.
Photo by Fidan Nazim Qizi

A Morning of Gratitude and Connection

We greeted each other with love in the muted darkness of 6 a.m. We stared into each other’s eyes and exchanged genuine compliments. On our walk to Ojai’s hipster-est coffee shop, I caught myself thinking—damn, this girl is sexy. The thought embarrassed me for a moment, but I reminded myself: I’m human, and this girl deserves to be acknowledged. Her lake-blue eyes. Her bangin’ eyebrows. Her voluptuous figure. The confidence in her sway. She turned heads without trying. We talked about silly things, deep things, sad things, and laughed at the absurd. Mostly, we walked in silence, savoring the crisp air of early spring.

Gratitude Starts With Yourself

I kept thinking, I’m so grateful to have her as a best friend. But more than that, I’m grateful to call myself my best friend. To meet my own eyes. To offer myself real compliments. To notice what I love. To shut down the criticism that tries to slip in. I know I’ll be with myself for the entire journey of life, so I want this relationship to be a good one.

Shutting Down Negative Self-Talk

Being your own best friend is a process. The hardest step is quieting the voice you learned early on.Imagine speaking to a friend the way you speak to yourself:

“Wow, what a waste of a cute dress. Your skin looks terrible. Did you gain weight? Cover that up. Too bad your personality can’t make up for your looks.” You wouldn’t have friends left. Yet these are the words we casually throw at ourselves. No one deserves that treatment—least of all from the person they spend their entire life with.

Speak to Yourself With Kindness

Talk to yourself the way you’d talk to the person you love most. Use the same tone you use with your pets. Offer the words you needed when you were young and didn’t hear them. Compliment yourself daily. Notice your beauty, humor, strength, and confidence.

Putting It Into Practice

Being your own best friend isn’t only about how you speak to yourself, but your words shape almost everything else. From there, the relationship expands: Practice real self-care Do what brings you joy Celebrate your body and your desires Your relationship with yourself becomes the foundation for your happiness, your confidence, and your fulfillment in life.