How to Care for Yourself With Intention

Why Loving Yourself Feels So Hard

Not long ago, a client came into my office frustrated and asked: “I KNOW I need to love myself more, but HOW the hell do I do that?” She wasn’t the first, and she certainly won’t be the last. As we celebrate a month filled with messages about love, it’s worth asking what it truly means to love oneself.

I like to think of LOVE as a verb, a set of actions we take to prioritize the best interest of another or Self. The feeling of love is the byproduct. Yet we often confuse the feeling with love itself. Without action, love cannot grow internally.

Love Is Action and Why Doing Matters

In couples counseling, I hear partners say they feel a lack of passion. When I ask what they do together, the answer is often, “We don’t have time.” Love, like exercise, produces rewarding feelings, but it is not always easy. Taking steps toward someone else is hard enough, but taking steps toward ourselves can feel even more challenging.

As women, we are often taught to take care of others, leaving our own needs neglected. Over time, this can lead to depletion, resentment, and ineffective coping strategies.

How Well Do You Know Yourself

Caring for yourself begins with awareness. Using mindfulness, paying non judgmental attention to thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, you can listen deeply to your heart’s desires.

Think of personal care as planting a seed of intention. But like any seed, it needs the right environment to grow. Sunshine is positive experiences and compassion. Water is consistent attention and care. Healthy soil is freedom from negative self talk, self sabotage, or neglect. Ask yourself if you are creating the conditions for your intention to blossom.

Self Discipline as an Act of Care

Discipline is not about punishment. It is a curious study of the Self. By observing our coping strategies and old habits, we can identify patterns that no longer serve us, replace them with nurturing healthy behaviors, and make choices that reflect real care rather than temporary relief. The goal is knowledge and understanding of your needs beyond bubble baths and scented candles.

Practical Steps to Strengthen Self Care

1. Identify Physical Patterns

Write down the physical cues that appear during cravings or stress. Recognize how your body signals unmet needs.

2. Create a Nurturing Actions List

List three to ten small acts that make you feel supported and cared for. Schedule at least one of these actions today and throughout the week.

3. Monitor Your Focus

Observe what you naturally focus on during cravings. Choose instead from your nurturing actions list to redirect attention.

4. Rewrite Your Inner Dialogue

Identify recurring negative self talk. Write a new story or affirmation to read daily. Replace old language with supportive words that reflect respect and understanding. If love is a verb, what actions can you take to care for yourself? How can you create the best internal environment for your intentions to grow and flourish? Care is intentional, consistent, and actionable. By cultivating mindfulness, self discipline, and small nurturing behaviors, you can transform your internal environment into fertile ground for growth and fulfillment.